Orphans Beloved… Saturday Night Live…
by regertz
Summary: Like my Immortal Beloved bits in my Buffyverse stories, these are fragments and short bits, some longer…Just to fiddle with ideas, possibly forming longer tales later.


Orphans Beloved… "Saturday Night Live…"

Summary: Like my Immortal Beloved bits in my Buffyverse stories, these are fragments and short bits, some longer…Just to fiddle with ideas, possibly forming longer tales later. I do plan at least one longer tale, "Nessun Dorma" but that's just getting sketched now.

Disclaimer: No copywrite infringement intended.

(Note…Remember I do not guarantee these "Orphan Beloved" bits hold as a story, though admittedly the first OBeloved tales are following a consistent line. For the Beloveds, there will be others that do not follow in logical order. However I will consider keeping the numbered OBeloveds as connected tales and others just using titles. Naturally I will indicate separate complete stories like Nessun Dorma which add chapters.)

(Yes I know how to spell "Maslany"…But do I want to get sued, mon?! More important do I want her coming to my house as Helena and beating me up?)

Large TV…Happy sea of faces clustered. Hands held.

One frowning…

"I still cannot see why we couldn't go…"

"You know we couldn't have gone…" reply. "Cat out of bag…" another, nodding.

"Use a coaster, would you please?!" glare…Stare at wet ring on coffee table.

"Shhh…Guys…We're missing it…"

Announcer intones…"Live, from New York…It's Saturday Night!"

Reeling off long list of cast…

"This gets longer all the time…" sigh.

"Hang on."

"…And with guest host, Tatiany Masliany…And now…Tatiany Masliany…!"

"YEA! Monologue! Monologue!"

"She could at least bother to note I wrote most of the suggestions she offered the writers…The ones accepted." Precisely cool voice.

"Please, ladies…" high-pitched voice.

"And was it hard to do all those parts alone, on my lonesome? Well, sure." Ms. Masliany smiled at the camera. "But I'm an actress and this was a fantastic challenge to do it all. Streetrat hustler Sarah, Ruthless Rachel, Crazy Helena, Up-tight nutcase Allison…Geeky lesbian Cosima…Eurotrash Katja…Manic-depressive Beth…And our cast of better-off dead corpses…Which, by the way will grow over next season. I'll be deciding with our writers soon who's going and who's staying."

Stunned stares around room…Pin drop silence…

"Jordan!" multiple cry…

"Uh, girls…Now…I have a letter here from your sister…And our series creator…A little explan and mea culpa?..."

"She said she'd be announcing…!"

"Yes, but…Guys! Donnie? A little help here…?"

"I had to play the 'nasty bad guy' all season and Ally doesn't get any credit?" Donnie stared. "Jordan? People come up to me in the street now and say 'you son of a bitch, how could you do that to Allison?'. Someone tried to punch me just tonight."

"Yes, that's terrible, Donnie." Allison, patting quickly. "How could she do this to me…Us? She swore she'd tell the world tonight about us."

"Well…I don't really mind but what about Mom? She was dying to be called the 'DecaMom' in all the papers…" Cosima sighed.

"Yes, yes…Guys…See the producers and our creator sat down with dear T and had a heart-to-heart…"

"That b**tch!" Beth fumed. "I could get kicked off the force as unstable if they find out I really am that Beth. I only did this for Mom's sake. And she was so pleased to hear we'd found something we could do together."

"Yes, but…I'm sure, love…"

"She did it all? She?" Rachel glared. "Ok, lets see how much 'menace' dear little sister can generate…Cause to match me she'd better find a whole new level…"

"'Eurotrash Katja'?" Katja fumed. "Everyone on Facebook says mine performance playing Sarah playing me in der hotel scene was nothing short of brilliant. There ist a fan group already that wants me back next year…Sarah playing me, das ist. Der German version of 'Die Stiefel Sind Zum Wandern… ' is back at der top of der charts owing to mine brilliant work."

"I could have done more than play a corpse…" Danielle sighed, flouncing back on the sofa. "French femme fatale is always a winner. But you all said we'd get credit and then next season…As a Dutch or Belgian…"

"Speakin' of which…Who was on the bloody screen most of the time…?" Sarah raged. "All she did was interviews with the damned BBC and Google."

"Dylan…" Jordan hissed… "Do something…"

"Hey, not me…I'm with Sarah…She did all the heavy lifting…" Dylan shrugged.

"Excuse me?" Beth stared. "I seem to remember doing some heavy lifting myself in our love scenes, big boy. And you know my husband Art is still a little out of sorts over the 'intensity' of some of our bits…"

"Actually…" Sarah hesitated.

"Don't…" Cosima urged, desperately. "Sis? Don't go there?"

"Why not?" Dylan frowned. "Sarah deserves the credit…She was fantastic…Beth, it just so happens…"

"Sarah?! What about me?! I get thankless 'crazy clone'. I out in cold for hours. I locked in cage and hurt in stunt fights." Helena, glaring. "I think I kill b**tch sis for real!"

"Helena…" Cosima tried… "Dylan…"

"Cosima? This was your bright idea to let T do the interviews!" Rachel glared. "All she was supposed to do originally was play a few clone corpses and stand in for Ally in the together scenes. Now she's grabbing all the credit."

"Well…" Cosima looked round nervously.

"…what,' so happens'…" Beth cut in, eyeing Dylan, then Sarah.

"Well, Bethie…Kid…" Sarah, sighing…

"You stink like bad fish in love scenes." Helena noted, grinning…

"What?"

"Nah…You weren't so bad…" Sarah, shrugging… "It's just that after a few scenes were checked, the boys above thought your performance wasn't as…Edgy…As it might be with me playin' you as was after all supposed to be the scene."

Keep her pills away…I am not sittin' up all night again with her…Sarah hissed to Dylan.

"Ladies…Guys…Bottom line…The creator and producers felt it would damage us…The family that we all are as well as your own…Were the truth to come out that there really are ten of you." Jordan sighed. "Pop goes the bubble…Poof goes the magic…"

"Oh…Really…" Allison frowned. "Well, I can take care of that right now! Donnie, phone!" she pointed.

"Girl…I gotta remind you that you all signed release forms, leaving decisions on tellin' the nature of your marvelous performance to the company…"

All staring…

"Whoa…" Cosima blinked. "That is so deja-vu…It's like we really are clones owned by a sinister company."

"Well, in technical terms…" Jordan began.

"Do we have any leverage here at all?" Rachel eyed Donnie…

"Well, Rach…"

"That's what we get for hiring a dimwitted brother in law of a lawyer to represent us…!" Rachel glared at Donnie. Who looked round sheepishly.

"I'm sure Donnie didn't mean any harm…" Cosima…Kind glance…

"Rachel, that's not fair…Donnie did the best he could for us with those corporation lawyers…Of course…" Allison reflected. "If he'd had the sense to listen to me…"

"Listen to you?!" Donnie stared. "I did nothing but listen to you all through the negotiations, day and night…! You were the one who demanded we do everything in black and white. 'Cast it in stone, Donnie' you said…I said, Ally lets leave some flexibility, just in case…But no…Ms. 'self-trained legal eagle' had to step in and show dumbo me how to do law right. And what do I get for it? Kids throwing stuff at me in the streets while their moms encourage them."

"Oh…Yes, it's always all about you, Donnie…" Allison, rolling eyes. "How nice that you had something to relieve the tension over this difficult year with your terrible, daring to want a role in her life decisions, wife…" hard stare. First at Donnie, then a rather puckishly smiling Helena…

Uh-oh…Several faces, same worried expression…

Here we go…

"Ally, for the last time…I am not sleeping with your sister! Any more…" Donnie sighed.

"Yes…Last time was weak imitation lovemaking…" Helena, coyly.

"Donnie!" Allison, fuming.

"Helena!" he pleaded. "We haven't been together since I swore to Ally…And you took advantage of me when I was feeling neglected…"

"Ya…I take advantage of big strong cuddly panda bear brother…" Helena grinned, posing and rocking seductively. "Such advantage, I take…" finger in mouth…Coy smile. "He just trip, fall into lady's parts like Sheldon Cooper say on 'Big Bang'…" grin.

"Helena." Allison, grim tone. "Out! Out of my house!" She pointed.

"Ya, ya…Blah, blah, blah…I going to New York to kick crap out of schemer sister anyway…" Helena rose. Leer to the hapless Donnie… "Dear cuddly brother…" stretching, coy pose… Flash of rolling tongue…"You come along later, I give reason for living before you die…Don't bring kids. Too…" grin to the re-enraged Beth… "'Intense'…"

Hard to believe she was once going to be a nun sometimes…Dylan hissed to Jordan…

"'Intense'!...I'll give him intense!" Allison raged. "Out!"

Why do all our 'family' evenings together end up like this? Cosima sighed.

Well…It'll either be great "getting back at my sister" sex or torture…Fifty-fifty's not bad odds, Donnie sighed…

"Helena…" Cosima called…

"Ya, sister?"

"When you get to NYC, give T one good kick in the butt for me…'Geek lesbian'?" she frowned.

"I want to see every document concerning this project in my office, at 8am tomorrow, Donald." Rachel glared. "And someone call Mom…She's probably already seen that miserable sister of ours' monologue."

"Oh…" Cosima shook head. "She'll be so hurt."

"I ist going to sue der boobs off that sister of ours and company." Katja insisted. "I vill be in office too…8am! Mit mine boots!"

"We should get all the girls together…" Danielle noted.

All? Jordan blinked… In one room…In public sight…? Moving hastily to where Dylan sat by the angry Sarah, torn now between joining Helena in butt-kicking or staying for the more practical legal assault.

"Sarah? Just forgot to tell the Bruce here something important about the shooting schedule for our big joint project this summer…Dy?"

"Project?" she…And several other sisters stared…

Project? Dylan stared…

"What…Project?" Sarah eyed him. "You doin' somethin' this summer and not tellin' me about it? Goin' all Donnie on me are we?"

"See…" Donnie turned to Allison…

"Sarah…Just give me a minute…Jordan?" he followed Jordan to a corner…Sarah and several others eyeing them…

"I knew that guy was up to something…" Allison hissed to Donnie…

"Ally…You 'knew' the actress playing Ainsely really had the hots for me…" Donnie sighed. "And God knows if they can't talk her out of that lawsuit…"

"it was an accident… The prop just didn't work right." She noted…Nervous look.

"Dylan…We need to talk…" Jordan hissed. "You may want to pursue a relationship with our streetwise Sarah but I think you may finding having a career…Eating, to put it rightly…May cover for any romantic hardships. And Sarah's a practical sort…And she'll get over the hurtsies…"

"Uh-huh, Jordan?"

"Yessiree bob…Do we have the understanding?"

"Jordan, you're a terrific actor but you gotta learn to come outta character in the real world, man. My gay friends love you on the screen but if you carry on with this too much in the real deal…They could get to thinking you're making fun?…A word to the wise, kiddo?"

"Got it. Now as to…"

"I'll speak to Sarah…She is a practical kid…"

Later…

Ally having insisted on cleaning by herself…She was grimly trolling the room picking up …Donnie in careful 'all hail the Queen' following mode…

"Be a big day tomorrow…Really hafta try some fancy moves to sort this out…" he noted, cheerily.

Flat silence.

"Hope the girls won't really do anything to Tat…That could be a problem. Ally? Al…ly…If you could drop them a call, tell them to back a little till I try to sort things?"

Glare…But…Practical sense kicking in, she nodded stiffly.

"Thanks…Can I help you with?"

"Bed." She announced.

"Ally…"

Grim look.

"I really am sorry about things with Tatiana…I'll try to get it sorted it out…You guys do deserve your share of the credit."

Grim look.

"Ally, I was just vulnerable that one time…And you know you were a little hard on me during production…Though I understand, things were stressful. But I'd never let Helena…"

Grim look.

"Ally…I swear…You know I'm not like the character I play…" sigh. "I love you more than…"

"Don't." she glared. "Not a word."

"Ally…My lil' Ally Mc Beal…"

"What did I say?" sharply.

"Fine…I'll sleep on the couch." He started to get out…

"Stay! Don't go anywhere. Nnnnt!" she put hand over his mouth. "Just depants, shut up, and do what I tell you!"

Yep, fifty-fifty wasn't bad odds…He thought, hastily undressing…


End file.
